Now let's not be silly!
by Starlit tears
Summary: that's exactly what this is... this overdramaticizes the characters and is almost complete nonsense.does not corespond really with the books but may have spoilers! good for a laugh or two so please R&R! I may add depending on the reaction I get.
1. Chapter 1

A/N- this is meant to be senseless and amusing to those easily amused. Don't take offense to anything written and don't try to place a time on it cause I'm not quite sure myself. I know it goes against everything but just try it out ok?

Disclaimer- guess who owns this? not me, not me!! it belongs to JK Rowling, who might I ad, is a genius.

* * *

"So that went well." Hermione said brightly as they left the office Moody had taken up residence in during the year. She kept her tone light, hoping the others would catch on and they could pretend the eerie intimidating run in with the crazy auror could be recalled as something more pleasant. 

"Well?" Ron exploded, as is his habit. "Hermione, he threatened us!"

"He did not threaten us Ronald."

"'You kids better keep sharp and no rule breaking this year… I'll be around keeping at least one eye on you'" Ron mimicked in a grunty voice. "What's that sound like to you?"

"A threat… but Moody is always like that." Hermione insisted. She turned to Harry, hoping he would back her up. "What do you think Harry?"

"I don't think that was Moody at all…" Harry said slowly. "I think someone is posing as Moody trying to lower the defenses at Hogwarts!"

"Harry, not everything is plan cleverly designed by You-know-who to invade Hogwarts." Hermione said sighing. "Besides, they already played the fake Moody card back in fourth year, remember? It was Barty Crouch Jr. and then they brought You-know-who back from the grave blah-di-blah-blah."

"You don't understand me at all!" Harry snapped at her, trying to hide his eyes brimming with angry tears. He hunched his shoulder and walked with his head down. Not one of them cared to recall that Moody had been killed during a not so clever move to get Harry to a 'point of safety' so that the muggles wouldn't kill him before Voldemort had another go. It was just one of the many little things to slip their minds.

They turned to go up the stairs, waving hello to Moody as they passed him by a portrait of a rather disgruntled looking man in a bonnet. At least they thought it was a man… they weren't entirely sure. Anyways, the debate was old news so they really didn't see any reason to bring it up again.

"Oh!" Hermione cried, slapping herself in the forehead. She did so a little harder than intended so it took a few minutes before her eyes went straight again. The other two waited impatiently, one foot on the stairs.

"Well?" Ron bellowed after another moment.

"Oh!" Hermione said making to smack herself in the head again but then, thinking better of it, lowered her arm. "I forgot about a book I was going to get in the library. I'll meet up with you two later on!"

"I still say she's bloody mad." Ron said as he and Harry began to trudge up the stairs together. He shot little glances at his friend who continued to look upset.

"It's probably better she avoids me. She'll be safer that way and it's not like I'm much fun to be around." Harry said sullenly.

"Hermione's avoiding us?!" Ron exploded, completely ignoring the line about Harry being not much fun. It was true lately, after all. Ron's ear turned pink and he looked angry.

"Oh don't be silly Ronald!" Harry said and trudged a little faster, skipping up the stairs. Ron gazed after him confused. Only Hermione (and his mum but he would never acknowledge that) called him that. Harry's mood swings were positively annoying he decided before shuffling after his friend. He was so busy saying hi to Moody, who passed him going down the stairs, that he forgot about the trick step and fell face first.

* * *

Hermione burst dramatically through the double doors of the library. Looking important, she stomped her way to the back section on magical creatures. She greeted Moody, who happened to be looking in the hexes aisle, as she passed and then settled herself in front of the huge book cases containing all the magical creatures… well, their books of course, not themselves. 

She found several books on Vampires and staggered with them over to what she thought was an empty table in the corner of the big fancy library. She settled and buried herself in a book entitled "Charming the Vampires" which she found incredibly interesting. She had a secret fascination with vampires. Of course, she'd never confess it. Lupin wasn't a fan of vampires… so no one else was really supposed to be either. Plus, they were somewhat dangerous what with the ability to put people in trances and suck their blood and all.

"Mudblood, what are you doing at my table Mudblood?" came an angry hissing voice. Hermione winced and looked up at the ultra sexy Slytherin sex god Draco Malfoy. His cold eyes were narrowed into angry slits and his usual slicked back hair was, well, slicked back of course.

"I was reading. I had no idea this was your table." She retorted. "It's not like your name is on it."

"Ahem." he said pointing. In large letter the name Draco Malfoy was carved into the table. He laughed a little. "So, Mudblood, you best be leaving, Mudblood."

Her eyes brimmed with tears and she clenched her fists before slamming the book down and getting up. "Fine! Stop calling me Mudblood or you'll regret it ferret face."

"Oh yeah Mudblood? What are you going to do about it Mudblood." It was like the word was permanently engraved in his vocabulary or something. Anyways, Hermione couldn't think of anything to say in reply so she grabbed up her books and turned to stalk away. She heard Draco yell after her "I love you Mudbloood!"

Hermione just sighed and stalked away to the great hall with her hoard or books. It was dinner time and even now her stomach is rumbling. Don't you hear it? Anyways, she said hello to Moody on her way through the doors and then sat down beside Ginny and across from Harry and Ron.

"There you are." Ginny said looking relieved. "I thought you had disappeared. Harry mentioned that you went off to the library earlier cause I talked to him cause I wanted to know where you were. Then we talked about quidditch and how Dean is being really silly about all the soccer/quidditch stuff…."

Hermione tuned Ginny out, knowing she would be discussing Harry, Dean, possibly Seamus, some other guy, then back to Harry. Instead she looked at Ron who was looking at her in this hurt sort of way. "What is it Ron?"

"You're not avoiding me and Harry, right?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing together in his usual look of angry/confused/worry. Hermione sighed.

"Oh course not Ronald!" She said and with that she pushed her plate away and stood announcing she had to go do work. The others stared after her and then at each other bemused. She ignored all of them and left, being watched by a very pompous Slytherin with gray eyes across the room.

Hermione walked down the hall with that air of importance like she had earlier in the library. She made a slight detour to the prefects bathroom, making sure to greet Moody who was inside looking at himself in a mirror. Then after making sure the small spot on her shoe was cleaned off she whisked away up to the astronomy tower. As she went up, Moody came down looking thoroughly disgruntled. Hermione wondered why until she reached the top.

"Ah Mudblood, just who I didn't want to see, Mudblood!" came a very unwanted, rather annoying silky voice from one of the windowsills. Draco was sitting on one, playing with his wand lazily as he stared out at the giant squid in the lake. He had a secret fascination with the giant squid in the lake. He kept it secret of course because no one else did so he really shouldn't either.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Hermione grumbled. She sat herself down by one window and let the moonlight illuminate the vampire book so she could read.

"You are asking me what I want, Mudblood? You intruded on me Mudblood, not the other way around… Mudblood." He informed her. H slid down from his seat in the windowsill and came to read over her shoulder. His pale pointy face went even paler. "Mudblood, this is a book on how to get a vampire to like you."

"Yes."

"Why on earth would anyone ever want that?" he wondered out loud to himself. Then, realizing his mistake he said, "Mudblood."

"I have my reasons." She said turning away from him. "Do you mind? Your sexiness is distracting me from my book."

"I'm not sorry Mudblood." he promised, trying to stand in front of her again.

"Of course you're not, now move!" She said with a dramatic sigh. She began to stand up but he still blocked her path. She tried to side step around him but he moved easily with her. Must have been all that seeker work. Huh.

"Admit it, you're attracted to me Mudblood." he said with his usual over confident smirk as he continued to step with her, blocking her way out. They looked like they were doing some sort of funky dance up there in the astronomy tower.

"Oh God, I can't get you out of my head!" She said, finally able to admit it but covering it over with a thick layer of sarcasm. "It's like the herbal essence orgasm just thinking about you!"

"The what?" he asked, truly looking confused. This time and this time alone so far he forgot to tack on the word 'Mudblood' His eyes had widened at the reference to orgasm and the excitement in her voice. He completely forgot about the sarcasm. Some things a Malfoy could always afford to overlook and one was sarcasm. Unfortunately, this tended to leave them as the butt of many jokes.

"You heard me." She said, not caring to explain what Herbal Essence was. In his shocked state she easily stepped around him and stomped to the stairs. Honestly, couldn't the girl just walk light and gracefully, just once?

He raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her. "S-So you are attracted to me then, eh Mudblood?"

She whipped around so that her wild hair was flying like mad in the wind coming through one of the many windows. Her eyebrows waggled dramatically about over her eyes and she said sharply, "No." before stomping down the steps.

"I love you Mudblood!" Draco called yet again.

Hermione ignored him and stormed down the corridors like a girl on a mission. It was close to curfew and she would not be caught roaming the halls because of Malfoy. Besides, she knew Moody would be just waiting for something like that. So she wandered her way down the windy corridors and took a shortcut behind a tapestry, bidding goodnight to Moody who lurked there, and was soon back in the safety of Gryffindor tower.

"'Mione, do my homework!" Ron whined as soon as he saw her walk through the portrait hole. She glared at him sharply and he cowered away adding, "Please?"

"Oh for Heaven's sake!" She snatched it up and glanced over it. Then she handed it back. "Your spelling is off and you sound like you're whining with Snape to give you an A. Take some of those hints about your failing grade out of there or he will be more than happy to give you an F."

"Wont you just rewrite it?" Ron whined.

Hermione leaned forward and put a hand on his. Her eyebrows wiggled as she tried to convey the importance of what she was saying. "Honestly Ronald, you need to take this seriously. I wont always be there to do your work for you."

"Says who?" He whimpered. Harry just stared into the fire, ignoring them.

"I wont." Hermione repeated before getting up. "I'm going to bed. Good night!"

"Moody is not the real Moody, I'm telling you…" Harry answered.

"'Mioneee…." chimed in Ron.

Hermione sighed and went upstairs without another word. She flopped over on to the bed, careful not to crush her humongous cat and curled up under the covers. What a day for just another normal typical day at Hogwarts.

* * *

A/N- like it? Loathe it? Ahaha review and tell me all about it! Depending on the reactions I may add more I think. It was fun to write nonsense dribble. Thanks. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- on with the next chapter. Yes, I'm writing more.

Disclaimer- not mine. None. I borrowed a few things from other places. Kudos if you can spot them and point out the reference. Though one is fairly too new I dare say… seriously, I have kudos!

* * *

Hermione wound through the people in the hallways on her way to breakfast. They didn't like to move for her, she wasn't very popular, even if she was Harry Potter's friend. Finally, she resorted to shouting and carrying on like a crazy PMS girl who is desperately craving pumpkin juice or something. "Make way, I need pumpkin juice. You stupid gits and girl-gits get out of my way, can't you see I have cramps?!"

Draco Malfoy, who she casually pushed to the side as she yelled all this, stared after her with wide eyes. What had gotten into the bushy haired Mudblood lately? She'd grown a backbone. He was, admittedly, somewhat impressed.

Hermione shoved Moody aside, stomped over to the Gryffindor table, and plopped down, grabbing some toast and a glass of orange juice. She hated pumpkin juice. Ron looked up with a mouthful of pancakes. "'Er-my-nee, id oo do my 'omework?"

"Swallow before speaking Ronald." Hermione answered frowning at him. "And what do you mean did I do your homework? I went to bed!"

He swallowed then said, "I slid it under your door. What do _you _mean you didn't do it?"

"Ron, I was sleeping! I already told you I am not doing your homework." Hermione fumed her eyebrows wagging uncontrollably with her anger. She lowered her voice as Moody walked by behind them, "You know that me doing your homework is cheating Ronald, and I don't cheat!"

"What about during flying practice?" Harry asked, watching Moody carefully out of the corner of his eye. His hand was secretly on his wand in his pocket as he eyed the teacher.

"What _about _during flying practice." Hermione snapped, rounding on him.

"'Madame Hooch, I can't go flying today… I have a stomach ache.'" Ron squealed in a voice eerily similar to Hermione's. Ginny smacked him in the back of the head with her transfiguration book.

"Well it was true!" Hermione squealed as Moody stomped into the Great Hall again.

"Yeah of course it was true…every single lesson." Harry said, taking his anxiety/paranoia potion. Madame Pomfrey had recently upped his dose yet again.

Ginny hit Ron in the head again. Ron looked at her confused and she just blinked back innocently saying, "I couldn't reach Harry."

"So I don't like flying. That wasn't cheating!" Hermione argued. She buried her nose in _Flirting with Vampires _as if shutting the topic. Ginny got up to go to class, taking care to smack Ron in the head again.

"What wuz 'at fo'?!" He demanded through another mouthful of food.

"For good measure." And with that she swept away, growling at several younger students to get out of her way in the process. She was met by Seamus at the door and they left together arm in arm. Harry glared after them.

"If you like her so much, just tell her." Hermione said, not even glancing up. She was wrapped up in the chapter on how to lure a vampire to you.

"Oo like my sister?" Ron said half gulping down his food and choking. His face looked angry and his ears were pink. His eyes were watery but that was because of the choking.

"Oh please Ronald, that's old news. Everyone knows that Harry and Ginny are going to get together eventually before our story is done." Hermione said lightly.

"Oh, and I suppose you and I will get together?" Ron said with a roll of his eyes. Hermione slammed her book shut, packed up her things, and got up from the table.

"But of course not Ronald. Men are prats, assholes all around!" She said in almost a cheery sarcastic voice. With that, she strolled away from the table, bidding good morning to Moody who lurked among the suits of armor by the door.

Ron looked flabbergasted. He turned to Harry with wide eyes and said "What the bloody hell has gotten into her lately?!"

"I don't know…" Harry whispered back, equally bamboozled. He stared towards the doorway with narrow eyes. "But I bet Moody is behind it."

Ron simply sighed and turned back to his food.

* * *

Hermione made her way up the stairs of the astronomy tower. Someone had taken it upon themselves to decorate. There was an Umbrella holder up there that was shaped like a rooster and in one window sat a golden pig. Hermione straightened the red ribbon around it's neck.

"Aha! Mudblood!" A triumphant voice sounded out behind her. She rolled her eyes and turned to Draco who was in the same window as he was last night. Once again, he was looking out at the giant squid. It swam lazily about in the weak sunlight.

"Aha! Malfoy!" She hollered back by way of greeting. Then, deciding to be nice and make small talk, she asked, "Ditching class?"

"Ah Mudblood, but of course. Why else would I be up here?"

"To watch the giant squid." He looked alarmed at her knowledge. She rolled her eyes again. "Oh come on Malfoy, I know everything!"

"I guess so…" He forgot yet again to tack Mudblood on to the end of that. Then he slid down off the windowsill and stood in front of her. "So, going to the Yule ball?"

"Aha… no." She said darkly. She turned away to sit down and read her book, ignoring Moody who walked in, circled the room once, and walked out again.

"Why not Mudblood? I mean Mudblood, you went to the last one." Draco reminded her, recalling a certain famous Quidditch player who attended with her that time.

"There's no Victor this time" She reminded him as if reading his mind. She rolled her eyes again. If she kept that up she had a feeling they would never stop. "Plus the dressing up in a pain in the ass, what with the frilly dress and the sparkles and the hair and the make up…"

Draco cringed at the list. There was far too much estrogen involved for his liking. So instead he smirked and said, "Well fine Mudblood have fun all by yourself Mudbloood."

For the second time within an hour she slammed her book, got up, and left the room she had occupied. He called his usual good bye to her which she ignored as usual. Moody was waiting at the bottom of the steps for her.

"Granger, you ditched my class." he grumbled, poking at his nose where the chunk was missing. He then proceeded to take his eye out and polish it on his robes.

"You ditched it too." She pointed out.

"That's besides the point." Moody grumbled.

"Well who taught your class then?" She insisted.

"Well duh, obviously I did. It is, after all, my class." He said, putting his eye back in it's socket. Hermione bit her tongue, she obviously was getting nowhere with this man. He cleared his throat and went on. "Malfoy was up there too wasn't he? Of course he was, I saw him. Alright, detention for both of you. I told you no rule breaking."

"But Professor-"

"SILENCE!" he roared. Then he began to limp away down the corridor. He called back, "I'm late for my tea with Poppy, good day Miss Granger."

"This isn't fair!" Hermione complained stomping her foot.

"Life isn't fair my dear girl." came a voice and a man who looked like a very made-up David Bowie (well David Bowie had a habit of being very made-up, didn't he?) strolled by in fancy clothes with a baby in his arms. He looked down at her with mismatched eyes and said, "Anyone who says otherwise is selling stuff. What on earth do they teach young girls these days?"

"Who _are _you?" She demanded, suddenly very confused and very love struck. He definitely wasn't a vampire, but still.. Oh la la!

"I am no one of consequence." and with those words he vanished behind a tapestry with the baby giggling in his arms. Suddenly a Ravenclaw girl came running down the stairs.

"Ohmygod!" She said really fast when she caught sight of Hermione. She grabbed her arms and shook her so her head nodded back and forth. "Have you seen a guy who looks like a Rocky Horror character with more clothes? He was carrying a baby, did you see him?"

"Uhm…" Hermione waited for her brain to stop rattling around. She was vaguely aware of Moody stomping back through the tapestry the guy had vanished behind. She pointed and cried, "Y-yes, I saw him go that way."

"Oh god!" The girl rushed off, nearly knocking Moody over.

Hermione blinked several times before turning to head down the stairs towards Potions class. She tripped over a Rooster shaped umbrella holder and went sprawling scattering books and parchment everywhere.

"HOW THE HELL DID THIS GET DOWN HERE?!" She roared in a very Moody-ish way. In fact, Moody looked rather offended by her conduct. He grumbled and shuffled away. Hermione ignored his grumbling and kicked the umbrella holder down the stairs where it missed Mrs. Norris by maybe an inch or so. The cat hissed and went about her day.

"Mudblood, this is no time to be sitting around in the walkway Mudblood. You cost me a stupid detention… Mudblood!" came a slithery slimy voice from the Astronomy tower stairs.

"I didn't cost you ANYTHING ferret! You skipped class of your own accord." Hermione said glaring up at him. Her eyebrows were wagging so ferociously they even made a wingy-ding-ding noise. Draco was frightened by this. Hermione continued to pick up her stuff. Then realization hit her, "Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing? I'm a witch."

She magicked her stuff together and got up and began running down the stairs, swirving around the rooster umbrella holder as she did so. Draco was left to walk to potions all by his lonesome. Awww….

Hermione entered potions a few minutes late and took the only open seat, by Draco, who was also late but had magically managed to beat her there. She sneered at him which he took offense to because it was really his job to sneer at people.

"Detention Granger." Snape said, as usual completely ignoring Draco. Draco had slipped from being his favorite when he found out about the giant squid thing. Still, he wasn't going to give him a detention. He was a Slytherin for cripes sake.

"I was late too, Professor." Draco piped up, hating to be left out. Snape ignored him.

"Today we will be working on Love potions, though why you need to know those infernal things I have no clue whatsoever." Snape hissed in his oily voice and his greasy hair was glued to his head and ew, the whole sight was atrocious to look at.

"Professor…" Draco whined. Still Snape ignored him. Draco _hated _this with an absolute passion. Without further ado, he jumped up on the table, whipped of his shirt (although how when it was underneath his robes is beyond me) and began swinging it around over his head while singing "I'm too Sexy" at the top of his lungs.

The girls all let out delighted squeals… even Hermione couldn't help but stare with interest at the Slytherin sex god not even a foot away from her, dancing on the table she sat at. Pancy was petting his legs like a cat trying to get it's owners attention. Draco kicked out to dislodge her and began strutting, easily jumping from table to table.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean. I do my little turn on the catwalk…" He sang out loud and proud. He was getting lots of attention. Yay him!

"Mr. Malfoy!" Snape was shrieking, trying to get him to knock it off. "Mr. Malfoy, knock it off! This is most irregular even for you hormonal imbalanced imbeciles!"

Draco ignored him. He was going to get a detention damn it! Finally Snape fired a freeze charm at him which stopped him mid jump in the air. Then he charmed Draco to his seat before removing the spell.

"Detention… Malfoy." Snape said, hardly daring to believe he had to utter those words. "My office… with Granger… eight O'clock sharp."

"Look what you got me into now Mudblood!" Draco snapped, glaring daggers at Hermione. Hermione finally remembered to shut her mouth before giving him a death glare and stomping off to get the ingredients for their potion.

* * *

A/N- I could not resist the table dance. I don't know why… review now, k? I'm having fun and I'd like to think all this fun was worth my while aha. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Oh, thank you sooo much for the reviews. I'm so happy I could skip right now but that would be dangerous seeing as how I am sitting in a chair. You guys are so encouraging. I want to get right on with this next chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, anywhere, or anything you're reading about. As for the ideas in this next chapter of toying with these unforgettable characters, I owe partial credit to my dear friend Bionta. Thank you!

* * *

Hermione put the stopper on their sample of Love Potion and stuck on the label with their names. She turned to bring it to the desk, nearly tripping over the stupid golden pig in the process. She glared at Draco for this near mishap. "Malfoy, are you carrying these stupid decorative items around the school with you?"

He shrugged with a confused look. He was still too angry to speak to the Mudblood. She had now gotten him _two _detentions after all. No one noticed the little house elf who grabbed the pig eagerly, shook her fist up at Hermione, and scurried off with it behind Snape's desk.

They turned in their potion together and all they got in return was a sneer from Snape and a reminder of "Detention in my office, 8 o'clock."

"What time is our detention for mad, loopy, grumpy, Moody then Mublood?" Draco said sullenly, as he swerved around the professor in question who happened to be tapping a picture of a dwarf dressed as a sheep with his cane. Draco had no choice but to talk to her on this subject and he did not like it one bit.

"You know…" She whipped around to yell at him, then stopped herself as realization dawned on her. Her brow furrowed in a way similar to Ron's when he actually realized he had no idea what was going on. Then she looked up at him and said, "I don't know."

"Whaaat Mudblood?" Draco hissed sounding shocked. His eyes flew open and bugged yet again. There was no way Granger could not know something like that.

"You heard me." She answered giving him a tough ass nod. Everyone knows that a tough ass is meaner and stronger then a bad ass any day. Then she coolly turned away again and began to walk off to lunch. She was starving and she only had one more class to go. Arithmancy… with Malfoy. Damn!

"S-so Mudblood, what are we going to do about this then?" He asked nervously. He had to run to keep up with her. Honestly, the girl could not be graceful if she tried. It was amazing she had not killed herself in those heels of hers during the Yule Ball. Speaking of which…

But whatever he was thinking about was knocked from his head when she said, "We're obviously going to skip it. Honestly Malfoy, I thought you had a brain…"

"What is _wrong _with you woman?!" He shouted, forgetting about his Mudblood insults almost entirely. In fact it took him exactly 3.5 seconds to realize he hadn't tacked it on the end instead of his usual 1.04.

She stared at him and blinked several times, confused. "Let's talk about the cauldron calling the kettle black here, honestly…"

"What about cauldrons and kettles? ARE YOU MAD MUDBLOOD?!" He shouted again. By this time, all attention in the hall, including Moody's- who had just stomped out of the dungeons- was on the two students.

"I am not mad…"

"YOU'RE FINALLY READY FOR ST. MUNGOS!" he bellowed. His eyebrows went out of control like hers only less noticeable… perhaps cause they're a lighter shade… hm. Anyways, he was waggling at her and shouting at her so forcefully she was bent backwards and it was a rather funny sight. One of those, you had to be there kinds of things. She was blinking in a very alarmed way while he continued to yell, "YOU CAN GO JOIN THE OTHER CRAZY'S AND WEAVE BASKETS WHILE THE NICE MEN IN COATS GIVE YOU MEDICINE!"

"Sounds fun!" She answered. _How _he heard that through his rant we shall never know. But he quieted down immediately. She went on, "When can I leave? I'll start packing at once."

"I will be more than happy to help you with that Granger." Draco retorted. Mudblood just suddenly went out of fashion for him... I guess he got tired of it. Or he really heard somewhere in the depths of his head that it simply wasn't cool anymore. "S-so you'd really go?"

"It sounds saner then this place." She replied with a casual shrug.

"Oh happy day!" Draco jumped for joy, scaring the nearby second years who Moody then proceeded to turn to Angler Fish. If you don't know what an angler fish is, I suggest you look them up. They're really fascinating creatures… anyways, Moody put his new angler fish in a bowl and stomped away.

"_Miss _Granger can not go to St. Mungo's until your detention is over with!" Snape barked out, sneering in a satisfied kind of way. "Plus she has to run it by the headmaster, although I dare say she has a chance given her latest conduct."

The two students looked at him in silence before asking together, "Where did _you _crawl out from?!"

The sneer dropped from his face and he took points off from Gryffindor- double because of Draco's cheek too- and glided away like an oversized bat. Both students stared after him with narrowed eyes. Then both at the same time said, "I hate him…"

"No way, he's your head of house!" Hermione pointed out.

"Way to state the obvious Granger." Draco said with a scoff.

"No, I mean…" She blinked slowly to control her breathing before she grabbed that rooster umbrella holder by her feet (yes it was back) and smashed it over his head. "How can you not like him? He absolutely favors you and all the other Slytherins."

"Yeah but have you _seen _his fashion sense?" Draco answered, rolling his eyes. "Talk about last season… and that hair! He should wash it out once in a while. I've heard of hot oil treatments, but you're supposed to wash the oil out!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "Suddenly the fashion expert Malfoy?"

"Hey if you're way out of character then I can be too." He argued with a spoiled pout. Then he whipped out his wand which made that funky noise swords make when you whip them out (kind of a shink! Or something like that) and threatened, "But this conversation does not leave this hallway, is that clear Granger?"

"Crystal… besides, I think half the school heard anyways." She answered wagging her eyebrows in the wingy-ding-ding fashion. It was true. A good percentage of the school had formed around them in a semi circle, secretly hoping Hermione would grab up the umbrella holder and hit Draco over the head with it though no one saw her make a move to.

"So it would seem. Fine then." he grumbled. "See you in Arithmancy… but I wont like it!"

"Well neither will I!" In a very grown up manor, she stuck her tongue out at him before stomping away down the hall to lunch. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp…

Many stomps later, she sat down with a thump and grabbed some food. Harry, Ron, and Ginny all came in and sat around her a few minutes later. They had been part of the crowd in the hallway so they already knew everything.

"So, you really want to take a trip to St. Mungo's then?" Harry asked narrowing his eyes. He was beginning to question if this was, in fact, Hermione. For once, he completely ignored Moody who seemed to be putting something mysterious in Snape's glass.

"Sure why not? Sounds like fun…" She replied lightly.

"Are you serious?" Ron whined. He had yet to stuff food in his mouth because he figured out if he got talking out of the way, he could have an interruption free face-stuffing.

"Of course not Ronald. I was just trying to get Malfoy to stop shouting. It's really rude." She answered as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. Sometimes, she overestimated her best friends and their mental capacity.

"Well I think he deserves to die!" Ron concluded.

There was absolute silence at the table as everyone looked from one to the other. Sure, Ron had his share of weird Malfoy outbursts, but this was a _tad _bit extreme. I mean, honestly, die?!

"No one should die, Ronald!" Hermione finally managed. Ginny meanwhile picked up the umbrella holder she had taken from the hall and smacked Ron over the head with it.

"Whawuzatfo?" Ron tried to yell through his food as he massaged the back of his head. The Slytherins were snickering from across the room. Ginny informed Ron he was a git before getting up and moving to the Slytherin table where she did some real damage with the umbrella holder before giving Blaise Zabini a kiss and returning to her seat.

Hermione could see several surprised looks at the Slytherin table but none so surprised as Malfoy, who besides Blaise, was the only boy spared from the Rooster Umbrella Holder onslaught. He was glaring at his best guy friend with a shocked look that said 'you and her?!' all over it.

"I don't trust Blaise." Harry announced. "I think he's in league with Moody and Herm… uh, the Dark Lord."

Hermione was giving him a suspicious look while Ginny looked livid. Ron piped up unnecessarily, "You only dislike the bloke cause Gin likes him. Plus, he's a Slytherin… plus, he's almost as bad as Malfoy… ok, so you have reason."

Ron got a smack in the head for his troubles. Hermione wordlessly collected her stuff and turned to leave, tripping in her haste.

"Gin, I thought you had a hold on that stupid umbrella holder!" She shouted, looking furious. A few Slytherins were snickering at her and Ginny turned with the Rooster threateningly.

"I do have a hold on it, 'Mione. You tripped over your own feet." She said calmly making goo-goo eyes at Blaise. Hermione blushed.

"Oh… I'm sorry then." And with that, she left for Arithmancy. Stomp, stomp, stomp…

Draco… was already there for some reason only he can know. It's like the kid apparates around the school even though he's not allowed to. But, who cares cause he's Malfoy and he is above the laws of Hogwarts, magic, physics, etc.

"Oh good, it's Malfoy." Hermione announced stomping to sit in the front of the room. Draco, who sat in the back smirked all pompously and puffed out his chest.

"Hello MudGranBloodger."

"Whaat?" She was utterly bewildered. What was wrong with this kid?

"I'm confused! Mudblood is not cool anymore. I have to get used to it!" He snapped by way of explanation. He wasn't one to argue with fads, as we have just recently found out.

"Oh, I see…" She said with a sigh sitting on her desk. Yes, on her desk. An awkward silence fell between the two as Draco inspected a piece of dust on his shoe and Hermione whistled, looking at the walls with particular interest. Moody came in, wrote some foul words on the board, blamed Peeves, and stalked out.

"Want to ditch class?" Draco blurted, not quite sure why.

"Definitely!" Hermione blurted back and the two hopped down and rushed off up to the astronomy tower. Hermione stomped as usual and Draco began to get irritated. "Merlin Granger, you sound like an army of one."

"Well you shuffle your feet!" She replied immaturely.

"At least I don't sound like a stampede!"

"Shuffler!" Hermione cried stomping her feet as loud as she could on each step up into the astronomy tower. "I don't even know why I invited you to ditch with me!"

"I invited you." He said smoothly, knowing this would get to her. She stopped dead in her tracks, not only out of shock but because Moody was pacing on the stair in front of her.

"Professor, we're ditching your detention tonight." She announced. He nodded and staggered off down the stairs. "Well that was easy…"

"I can't believe he just nodded…" Draco said from behind her. "That's so… not wicked."

Hermione slapped him across the face.

"Ow! Bloody hell… Granger, what in Merlin's name was _that _for?" He said, his left eye tearing up while his cheek turned bright red.

"For earlier…" She said in a tone that suggested nothing could be simpler. They finally reached the top of the tower still stomping and shuffling the whole way just to spite the other. They kicked Moody out, who had been eyeing the pigeons outside the window. Then they settled in their respective places and another awkward silence fell.

"So…" Draco said looking at Hermione. She had not moved to pull out a book. No doubt she was expecting she'd just have to get up and leave anyways.

"So what?" She answered staring stubbornly at the décor. Today the room had lots of pinwheels in it for some reason. She picked one up and spun the wheel absentmindedly wondering who on earth was hired to decorate this room.

"What shall we do Granger?"

"How bout we visit the giant squid?" she teased lightly. She was met by silence for a moment, then-

"That's a brilliant idea!" Draco screamed. He grabbed up two pinwheels and ran for the window he had been sitting in. He had just climbed back into it and was peering over the ledge when her voice made him stop.

"Uhm… what are you doing?"

"I'm going to use these two pinwheels to battle the air currents and glide down to see the giant squid." He said slowly as if talking to a kid. Hermione just gave him a look that said 'are you honestly that stupid?' so he added, "Oh come _on _Granger. This is a story for cripes sakes. I can do whatever I want"

"It's impossible!" She yelled but he had already jumped out the window. She ran to look. He was plummeting downwards at an alarming rate. She used the levitation charm on him and made it look like he had glided down with the pinwheels.

"See? I told you so!" He yelled up. "Now get down here, I want to go see!"

She just shook her head. Hermione Granger has an alarming fear of heights, for those of you who didn't know. She was just about to yell that she would stay put and check how it went later, when a pair of hands (belonging to guess who? I'm _not _writing his name yet again) pushed her out the window. She glided, just as she had made Draco do to the ground.

"Did you just save me from a death of being flung out the window?" She asked Draco incredulously. He lowered his wand.

"Well you were the idiot who forgot your pinwheels, Granger!" He yelled.

"I WAS PUSHED OUT THE WINDOW!" she shrieked. "Obviously I forgot my little pinwheels."

"Who would want to push _you _out a window, Granger?" He sneered as if the very idea was not worth thinking about.

"For your information Malfoy, there are some people who think my life is worth ending!" She said in the best snotty voice she could muster. Then she looked up at the window and sighed. "I forgot my books…"

"There are no Vampires where we're going now come on!" With those kind words he grabbed her by the collar and dragged her along behind him. It was choking off her air supply and she began to stammer and cough.

"Let… go!" She yelped finally pushing him off. He shrugged and continued to walk. "Have you ever even seen the Giant Squid up close?"

"No" he replied lightly. Then he glanced back at her suspiciously. "Why?"

"No reason…" She answered lightly. Then, under her breath she whispered, "You're in for a rude surprise Malfoy."

"What was that Mudbl-er, Granger?" he asked.

"Nothing!" She answered a little too quickly. They had now reached the edge of the lake. They stared down at it for a long moment, almost as if in silent memory but then slowly, something began to grow out from it's depths. It got taller and closer and then-

"Bloody Hell!" Draco roared, ducking behind Hermione and peering out over her shoulder. Which was difficult with all that hair so he had to part it and peek out so only his eyes and nose could be seen. He sullenly noticed her hair smelt like apples.

"Hello" Hermione called brightly with a smile.

"Do you fear death?" the dark figure demanded. It was now fully up from the depths and was none other than a very familiar squid-faced man from a very well known pirate movie.

"Er… no, not really Sir, to be honest." Hermione replied with a shrug. There was a small sound of 'I do' from somewhere in the her hair. Davy Jones made that weird pop noise as he peered earnestly in the direction of the voice. Hermione looked embarrassed. "That was just Malfoy sir."

Davy Jones roared with laughter. His beard reached out, moving Hermione's hair aside which neither she nor Draco were very comfortable with. "So it is! And to what do I owe this grreat honor?"

"Well, Malfoy wanted to come see you."

"I did not. I wanted to see the Giant Squid." He insisted. Hermione rolled her eyes and made her eyebrows wingy-ding-ding again.

"He _is _the Giant Squid." She answered, tacking on in her head, _at least in this twisted story he is_. She turned back to Davy Jones. "Well, uhm it was nice to meet you then. We'd best be going… don't want to be late for uhm… that thing."

"Studying" Draco piped up. Davy Jones gave them a knowing look before popping again and disappearing back to his duties in the lake. Hermione and Draco walked back towards the castle.

"I hope you're happy!" Hermione snapped.

"Happy? That just crushed my whole vision of him! I wanted to see a giant monster like in that book… the stupid muggle book…" He muttered.

"20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." she replied automatically before rounding on him in surprise. "You read muggle books?"

"Sometimes. If there's nothing better… awful things, they are." He said with a shake of his head. "Muggles have got to be the most unoriginal creatures on earth."

"They are not! I don't see them jumping out windows with pinwheels!" She shouted. They stopped and stared at each other again.

"I hate you." He finally said decisively.

"Well, I _loathe _you." She whispered icily. His eyes widened at those words and he began to walk again.

"I don't think I am ready for that kind of relationship with you, Granger." he answered.

"You stupid prat, I didn't say _love _I said _loathe_!" She said hitting him not-so-playfully on the arm. "And as for a relationship, I will _never _be ready for one with you."

"Fine. Go to the Yule Ball with me." he said trying to trick her. Even if he got stuck with the apple-haired girl, at least he'd know he tricked her into it… or was he just telling himself that? Who knows?

"Fine! Wait, what? No, I didn't mean that…"

"You said yes, it's too late now…" he smirked wickedly.

"No, that's not right…"

"Granger, in this story and we're out of character, nothing is completely right…. Or even remotely right." He pointed out seriously. "And you're going to the Yule Ball with me."

* * *

A/N- and so ends a chapter. Coming up next we have a Snape detention session, perhaps more Davy Jones, and more senselessness. Ohh and what did Moody out in Snapes glass? Maybe something? Maybe nothing? Hehehe… review! 


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